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Part 13

You felt miserable…absolutely and utterly miserable.

You had felt that way ever since the day Gilbert had told you about the war…now almost a week ago. You hadn’t seen much of him since then. He had busied himself with administration and commands of higher up, locking himself in his office. You thought it was a not-so-subtle way to let you grow accustomed to him not being there all time of the day.

Gott…if this was how you were going to feel during his absence then you were sure heading towards a period of great depression.

You had been walking –no roaming- through the halls all afternoon, considering whether you would go and disturb him or not…

“Ciao, bella!” a voice said out of nowhere, bringing your thoughts back to reality.

You turned around and looked into one of the guest bedrooms…the one where Feli was residing. He sat on his bed and waved at you.

“Hi, Feli,” you said while lifting your hand a bit to answer the gesture. Normally you would have been more than happy to speak to him. You really enjoyed his company; he was a good kid with a golden heart but today…today you just didn’t feel like talking to him. Not now that your heart was in such fragile state.

You started to walk away…heading for…well…nowhere in particular…when someone suddenly grabbed your hand. It was warm and comfortable and you really wanted to cry.

“Are you alright, ___________?” Feli asked, his amber eyes filled with concern. It was touching to know that he cared so much.

“I’m fine, thanks.” Your voice cracked a bit…the emotion slowly seeping through.

“Veh…you look as if you’re going to cry.”

“I do?”

He nodded, tugged at your hand and said: “You should sit down for a moment.” He guided you towards his room and sat you down on a couch.

“Anything you need? Coffee? I can go find you some coffee…or tea…do you want tea?”

“That’s really sweet of you, Feli, but I’m fine, really.”

He sat down next to you and looked you over.

“What’s wrong? Did Prussia say something mean? He can be quite mean…but he’s not serious about it…I’m sure he isn’t.”

“No…he didn’t…it’s just…I…I worry about him.”

Feli’s eyes lightened with understanding.

“You mean the war,” he said, his voice had gone soft.

“Yes.”

He was silent for a moment and then turned towards you with a small smile.

“Don’t worry too much,__________. Prussia is really powerful. He won’t lose a war against Austria.”

“How are you so sure of that?” You asked him with a rather sharp look.

He looked a bit flustered but regained his courage within seconds and said: “I’m not. But as an ally…I do trust him. Without him…I’d probably never had the chance to win back what’s mine in the first place. As for Prussia’s motives…he would never ever leave Germany to fall in Austria’s hands. They’re brothers…he won’t lose him…never…”

You knew Gilbert would go to hell and back again for Ludwig…but to hear it from someone else…you only really realized the full impact of it now. He would start a war to protect his little brother. Just how far was he willing to go?

“You should sleep a bit, bella. You look tired.”

“Yes…I might just do that,” you said while standing up. “Thanks for listening, Feli.”

“Veh, you’re welcome!”

You smiled at him and walked out of the room, heading back towards your own room, where you fell down on your bed in pure exhaustion. Sleep came to you shortly after, drowning you in a sea of fractured dreams and thoughts…

*Time Skip

You immediately knew that something was off about the dream you had. Something about the light just didn’t seem right. It looked as if a prism had broken and the colours had shattered all around you…in a million dazzling shards.

You stared at it, squeezing your eyes a bit. This was the same dream as you had had a few months ago. The place was exactly the same…there was only one thing (or rather someone) that was missing…

Where was she?

“I’m here, dear.”

You had expected much, but you hadn’t expected to hear a voice other than your own…neither had you expected it to answer your unspoken question. You slowly turned around, mentally preparing yourself for what was yet to come.

When you’d finally turned around completely…the first thing that caught your eye was silver.

A long wave of beautiful moonlike silver.

Then…a gaze of red…a never-ending sort of red…red like you had seen countless of times.

A pair of lips turning into a faint smile.

“At last you’ve made it.”

You stared at her, for that was all you could do. It was as if you were enchanted by this figure…this woman…

“I…who are you? You…you look like Gilbert.”

“Yes, I’m ***. I’m Prussia’s mother.”

“His…his mother?” you asked, stammering.

“Is that so hard to believe?” She asked, tilting her head a bit.

“No…it’s just…” You remembered that little moment the two of you had had some time ago…the morning after you had dreamt of your father and he had braided your hair together.
He had mentioned her…not more than a few words…but enough to know that she had passed away.

That was the weird thing about this whole situation…She was dead. So how was she able to communicate with you?

“I don’t understand.”

“I thought you wouldn’t…and I cannot blame you for that. You see…I’ve been trying to reach you for a very long time.”

“Me? Why?” you asked…even more confused than before. Why would she want to speak to you? What for?

“I tried to tell you last time…but the connection…it wasn’t strong enough…you weren’t very open to it.”

“I wasn’t?” You had had no idea. After all…How could you not have been open to it? Gott…what was this all about?

Then a sudden realization hit you hard.

It really was him she had been talking about.

“You said something though…something about saving him. You meant Gil-Prussia. But…I don’t get it. What does he has to be saved from? The upcoming war?”

Perhaps you had been right all along with this sense of foreboding…what if something bad really was about to happen to him?

“No…there is…a much greater danger ahead of him…and I…”

Her face turned sad; her eyes of molten lava dipped in an old sorrow.

“I love my son, _____________. But there’s only so much I can do to protect him. I need your help.”

“What can I do?”

You didn’t understand what this was all about but this was Gilbert she was talking about, so you were more than willingly to help.

“I foresee great danger for my son…in the near future…danger that will taint his heart and test his very soul. The consequences will be disastrous and unforgiving…that is…if he cannot be saved.”

“I don’t understand. Are you saying that…that…he’ll be…corrupted?” Was that the right word?

“Yes, I could not put it better myself.”

“And…where exactly do I fit in?”

“You have to keep him save…keep him from this fate.”

“How? I won’t always be there…the near future…when will that be? I might be dead by then.”

“That is not the right question to ask. The one you have to ask yourself is…do you love him so much that you’d be willing to sacrifice yourself for him?”

That immediately shut you up. Sacrifice…your own life? For Gilbert?

“You mean as in ‘dying’’? What happens when I do?”

“You’d be able to help him in the future.”

“So…I have to sacrifice myself…in order to help him escape this horrible fate in the future?”

“Yes…exactly.”

You stared at your feet…tears started to form in your eyes. So this was the bad feeling you had had…this war wasn’t about Gilbert getting hurt…no…you had been feeling utterly miserable because deep down – in the labyrinth of your unconsciousness- you had known all along…

You had known that this war would mean your own demise.

“I have to die...” It seemed too unreal…you just couldn’t completely grasp it.

“Yes…I wanted to spare you from that…but the others want proof.”

“Proof of what?”

“That you truly love him,” she said. “I know you do, dear. But they don’t.”

You knew who she meant with ‘they’. Gilbert had told you about the so called ‘ancients’ and the nations that no longer existed. Their souls drifted around the world, trapped on the edge of the other side and doomed to stay there forever. Why?

Because even though they were technically ‘dead’ (or as dead as a nation could be), they were not forgotten. People talked about them, wrote about them…remembered them…and therefore their souls could not leave this world. They were stuck forever…

“If they need proof…then I’ll give it to them.”

There was nothing else to say.

The woman looked at you, her head a bit tilted and a questioning look in her eyes. She looked so much like Gilbert that it made you want to cry. The though alone that something – a danger unknown to you- was going to change him…was going to corrupt him so badly that you wouldn’t recognize him anymore- was enough to tear your heart apart.

How would you ever be able to say no to this desperate cry?

How would you ever be able not to help him? With all the love you felt for him–this heart-warming feeling deep inside of your bosom…it was just impossible to neglect such a thing. You couldn’t let this happen to him…you just couldn’t…

And thus you agreed. Knowing very well what would happen if you did.

“Are you sure, ______________?”

“Yes. I’m sure. I’ll die…I’ll come back…and I’ll save him from whatever danger will threaten him. I promise.”

A small, genuine smile appeared on her lips; together with a grateful sparkle in her eyes.

“I thank you, ____________. I thank you with all my heart.” She moved forward, hugged you tightly and then kissed you on the forehead.

That was the moment you woke up.

*Time Skip

You shot up with a gasp, but were immediately pushed down again by a pair of strong hands.

“Calm down, __________,” Gilbert said as he put your head back on the cushion. “You look a bit…anxious. Are you feeling alright?”

You looked at him, blinking a few times to make sure you were really awake and then grasped him, holding onto him for dear life. You stifled a sob and hid your face in his chest, staying that way for indefinite time.

Gilbert didn’t understand what had gotten into you…that much was clear. But like always he had decided to try and comfort you first, before asking you what was going on.

The fact of having him near was enough to calm you down to an appropriate level. This was why you were going to sacrifice yourself. This was what you were going to die for…and you were not going to hesitate in doing so…

You were going to fight for what you loved…fierce and fearless…without doubt or hesitation in the depths of your heart.


*Time Skip

The rest of the day you spent on the edge of sleeping and being conscious. Gilbert had tucked you in and had let you sleep…thinking that whatever had gotten into you, would go away with a good nap.

He was wrong…for sleep never got a chance to trap you inside its world.

Your mind was reeling with everything you had heard earlier on…those millions of thoughts and feelings manifested themselves in the feverish state you found yourself in. Your body was trapped in a painful haze of warmth and the air seemed to thicken around you, making it hard for you to breath.

This was your mind…adapting to the idea of dying for your loved one. It would end…sooner or later…you would get used to the idea…it would become as normal as breathing or blinking.

But for now…it only caused you unrest.

For the second time that day you shot up in your bed. You whipped the sweat from your forehead and then tried to stand up. Your legs felt a bit wobbly, but not enough to keep you ‘chained’ to your bed.

No…while you had been drifting between dreams and reality, something important had come to your mind…something you couldn’t possibly forget.

If you wanted to sacrifice yourself for Gilbert…then you had to find a way to smuggle yourself into the army.

You had to go to war. There was no other way. However…there was this little problem you hadn’t thought of before…

Gilbert would never take you with him.

So…there was only one person you could go to…one person was to decide the success of your plan…

Ludwig.
Hi!
Yes, I'm back! I know that I've been kind of a procrastinator when it comes to this story, but don't worry, I'll try my best to update more regulalry.
Anyway...a few things about this chapter...
It's chapter 13...13 is an unlucky number....and it's not really a myth (if you ask me). I feel like I've made numerous grammtical errors and spelling mistakes in this chapter...please tell me when you spot one (or more). I'll be happy to correct them. Really...there's something off about my English lately...can't put my finger on it...
I'm kind of stressed lately...I have to study for my resits and I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever...It's terrible...
About this chapter...13 seems to be an unlucky number for the story as well (I guess that has become clear by now). As for that...I can't tell you what's going to happen. I just can't. That would ruin the story...Please be patient with me. I'll promise to update as soon as possible :)

Also...about Prussia's mother...I put *** instead of a real name, because...well...I did some research, but I just couldn't find something that would be historically accurate...so I decided to leave it that way :/

I don't own Hetalia. It belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya
I don't own the picture. I found it on Zerochan.net. If you happen to know the owner, then please let me know so that I can credit him/her properly.
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:icondeliriumgrey:
deliriumgrey Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2015
This is so beaitiful!
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:iconmoonwolflove:
Moonwolflove Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you, dear :)
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:iconxgeschwatzx:
xGeschwatzX Featured By Owner Edited Sep 25, 2015  Hobbyist
Interesting spiritual experience of the reader... I guess her illness is an effect of that and the emotional stress due to having to die to protect your loved one... And interesting, what's going to become of her, too, following the footsteps of Eleonore Prochaska, that brave one, huh ^^ ? 
Feliciano is so sympathetic, it fits him.
However, it's a bit one-sided to let Gilbert/Prussia appear to defend Ludwig/Germany as the only one. More precisely, the war of 1866 was over the further leadership in Germany. Many german nationlists favoured a german national state including Austria, they saw as one of the many german brother states (a student event tried to shot prussian minister-president Bismarck because of that).
But Gilbert expresses, he doesn't want to let Ludwig fall to Austria, still. And it was Prussia, which came up with the idea of a unified Germany, so I guess it's legit to portray Gilbert fighting for Ludwig against Austria. And this is a primarily personal focused ff, not a historical one. Nice how you include historical facts ^^

And about Prussia's possible mother, hmm... The Old Prussians/Prußen/Pruzzen are out of the question. They left their name, but people, culture and land were overthrown by the Teutonic Order.
However, the military/knightly Teutonic Order which founded the Teutonic Order State on the (Old) Prussians's land (later reformed to the secular Duchy of Prussia and much later fused with the Margraviate and Electorate of Brandenburg to form the Duchy of Brandenburg-Prussia which was finally made the Kingdom of Prussia with permisson of the HRE-Emperor and the King of Poland... that's a complicated founding history, already xD ), was born out of the St. Maria Hospital of the Germans at Jerusalem. Couldn't that be something like the "mother" of Prussia (not a country, though) ?
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:iconmoonwolflove:
Moonwolflove Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I didn't know about Eleonore Prochaska, but I googled her and I have to admit that their stories are quite alike :) Truly fascinating!
It's true that this fic is, historically seen, not the most accurate one out there. Like you have said, I didn't intend to make it historical in the first place. I wanted to write a fanfic with the focus on the reader-character, situated against a historical background (because I love history) :)

Yes, I've done some research about Prussia's history, but it turned out to be...complicated. So I thought...I'll leave her name out...that way people who know more about his history will be able to fill in what they think is right :)
I'm really happy that you came up with a theory! It sounds really plausible as well!
I never really imagined Prussia's mother as a country so...yeah, sounds great ;)
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:icontsukishojo:
Tsukishojo Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes,you're not dreaming,I'm finally reading your story :D (before getting up and working T^T)
Is the reader a medium or something? Or is it just Prussia's mother that done that? I wonder!
And she'll go to war? It's gonna be epic! She's brave. :)
(That's a real quick comment,because I'm gonna read the next chapter right away ^^)
Reply
:iconmoonwolflove:
Moonwolflove Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
She might be a medium, who knows :)
Yes, she's going to join the army...so she has to be pretty brave indeed.
I don't mind quick comments at all, dear. Every comment is highly appreciated and I'm happy that you took the time to do so :)
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:icontsukishojo:
Tsukishojo Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome ;)
Reply
:iconmoonwolflove:
Moonwolflove Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
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:iconaoyamareika:
AoyamaReika Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I read all thirteen chapters in one sitting, and I have to say you've done a good job in this series! I'm looking forward to the next installment. :D
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:iconmoonwolflove:
Moonwolflove Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for reading, commenting and faving!
I really admire your enthusiasm :D And I'm happy to hear that you like it so far! Next installment will be up soon enough :)
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:iconcrimredaria:
CrimRedaria Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2015
Had a terrible day at work and came home to a new chapter!
Salvation!
Reply
:iconmoonwolflove:
Moonwolflove Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry to hear that you had a terrible day...I hope you're feeling better by now :) (if not...have some positive vibes *throws some positive vibes over to you*)
Haha, I'm feeling honoured that you think of it as a salvation. Thanks a lot :D
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